Why

Why are you cruel,
When I was young grandpa died and I dove into myself.
When I was in school the kids made fun of me for my weight and I dove farther into myself.
When I was in high-school I was self conscious and pulled into myself.
All I need is myself, its been enough since I was ten.
Then why am I sad, why do I long for more, yet fear to reach for it?
I've gone to bars, but I stay in the corner, never approaching anyone.
I've been to parties but don't socialize, I'm a fly on the wall.
I've been fine for 23 years, so why do I feel down.
Why won't I talk to anyone about how I feel?
Why, why, why am I so scared?
My fear is crippling me.
Yet even though I acknowledge this I still can't change.
I Have no job, I'm afraid.
I don't drive, I'm afraid.
I live at home, I'm afraid.
Why am I Afraid?
I long for friendship, but my fear of rejection is stronger.
I long for a relationship, but my fear of rejection is stronger.
This is my life, but my fear is crippling me.
MY FEAR IS KILLING ME!